To My Second Son

Dear Nicolas,
This afternoon I sat in the rocking chair, rocking you to sleep. The same chair that I have rocked your older brother in.
I held you close, your warm little face against mine. I watched your little eye-lids begin to droop, and finally close in peaceful sleep. I continued to hold you and rock you, even after you were asleep.

Just today I was trying to scheme up some way to get you to put yourself to sleep, and to sleep longer at night. I put you in your crib and stood beside you, not willing to leave you all alone, but hoping that it might help you learn to sleep better and longer. Finally you closed your eyes and slept, still sucking on your pacifier with all your might. After that I was relieved but felt sad, too.

This afternoon I did not feel like doing that again. I tried. But when you began to wail I went in and scooped you up. I wanted to cuddle you close!
It felt so good to hold you, and study every little feature of your face. I know how quickly you will grow up, and I know all too well that the days of holding you close like that are limited.
As I gazed upon your beautiful little face, my heart was filling with love for you. The words of your lullaby were playing "He'll wipe away each tear.....He surely understands...."
My heart was full of many emotions. I thought of this time with you, so very, very short. I thought of sleepless nights and days, I thought of the gift of time. I wondered about your life, and I thought about the babies we lost before you.
I noted every little thing about your face. How I want to remember it always. Your precious little baby face! I thought about your Daddy, too....for you have his little chin, you know....and you have two little "dimples" in your nose, just like me! You are a part of both of us, made into one perfect little baby by our Father in Heaven....and I love you so very, very much.
You are our second baby, but never think that you are second in our hearts. You are loved deeply and there is a spot in our life that only you can fill.

So, sleep sweetly and peacefully, baby bug-a-boo.....

Love,
Mama